Remembering

It is so wonderful to be writing this post. Just shy of four years ago, Christie wrote what we thought to be the final post on this blog. While this blog began as a way to keep friends and family informed about Christie's illness, it now serves as a milestone - an ebenezer to help us remember the uncertainty of life, innocence lost,  and the contrasting certainty of God. I am not usually rich with words, and I do not normally enjoy to write. But it is important to remember!

 Zoe Grace, you were born on March 31, 2013, and your birth was one of the highest moments of my life. You have no idea, but your mommy and I prayed for you since before we were married; we began with a prayer for children who would love Jesus. That prayer became more intense, and the hope more tenuous, with the discovery of Christie's cancer.  During her treatment, which often renders women infertile, we were told by many people who believed they heard from God that we would have many children. As treatment ended, we continued to pray for you, and for the cancer to stay away. "Wait two years," the doctors said - the most likely time for a relapse. So, we prayed and waited. One year later, Christie conceived - with you, and we were so thankful. We moved from San Francisco to a sailboat in Brunswick, Georgia, and sailed it down to Jacksonville, Florida, with you in tow.  Nine months later, we met you.

Thank you, Jesus - you have made us rich beyond wealth, and you have turned our sadness into laughter.  You redeem what it broken, and though you don't always do it in this way, we are thankful you did.  Thank you thank you thank you.

Proverbs 13:12
Psalms 139:14

The End of a Chapter

This is my final post. I had a PET/CT scan two weeks ago and it was clear!! Three months after completion of treatment, I am cancer-free!! And life has moved on. I am back to work full-time, Ryan and I spent a weekend backpacking in California and a week in Colorado, we hosted his family at our place for two weeks (having company here is like going on vacation in your own town =), and we are enjoying the summer in Pacifica. My coworkers gave me a surfboard, so now I have no excuse not to learn. We are excited to be helping with the youth group at our church. I am starting a part-time/internet-based graduate program in public health through Johns Hopkins in January. Cancer has become a distant memory that I will never forget.

I have no further updates to write here. If you want to know about my everyday healthy life, call or e-mail me. I plan to print out all my blog entries and your comments and make a scrapbook out of them, so I will never forget what the Lord has done in my life over the past year.

And, of course, my final entry would not be complete without the words to part of a song. This describes how I feel about moments throughout the past year, and the perspective I feel like I've gained from the whole experience:

Sorrow's opened up my eyes
To see what real joy is
Pain has been the catalyst
To my heart's happiness.

This is the good life,
I've lost everything,
I could ever want,
And ever dream of.
This is the good life,
I found everything,
I could ever need,
Here in your arms.

What good would it be
if you had everything
but you wouldn't have
the only thing you need?

(from "Good Life" by Audio Adrenaline)

What Cancer Cannot Do (Author Unknown)
Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love, it cannot alter hope.
It cannot corrode faith, it cannot destroy peace,
It cannot kill friendship, it cannot suppress memories,
It cannot silence courage, it cannot invade the soul.
It cannot steal eternal life, it cannot conquer the spirit.

The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
Psalm 126:3

There is life after cancer treatment!!!

I feel like I am getting more strength and energy back everyday! I've been trying to work out in some form every other day, and take rest days in between. I am so thankful to be alive and to be able to move forward with life. But I also realize I will never be the same. I took two weeks to rest and recover before I will be returning to work full-time on Monday. In this time, I have made several trips to the beaches about 20 minutes south of us, away from all the cars, houses, and people. What amazing beauty and what a great place to reflect on the past year and praise God for all He's done! I don't know how anyone can watch the ocean and deny the existence of a powerful Creator. The wind was blowing so hard off the coast today that I could hardly breathe facing into it (I did not really stay on the beach very long, lol). And I was watching the waves in all of their fury and thinking about the awesome power of God and the amazing fact that He loves us! We can trust Him with our lives.

I am having a hard time putting into words what I am feeling right now. Sometimes I thought this day would never come, and now it did. And the actual day of my last treatment was somewhat anti-climactic, as I was still exhausted and not feeling the best. I called my best friend from high school and told her I thought I was supposed to be excited but I didn't know why I wanted to cry and she said, "It's ok, Christie, you don't have to feel anything" (that's what best friends are for =) But, every day since that I have felt better as the realization that I am completely done and I don't have to go back for more treatment sinks in even deeper. And I am excited to go back to work - if only for the reason that it means that life is truly moving on and I am putting this whole experience behind me in a way. In another way, I don't think I will ever completely leave it behind because it has changed me - my goals and dreams, my outlook on life, my understanding of what's important, and my faith in God. And, for this reason, I am thankful for my cancer.

Thank you for all your loving support and prayers. Please know that whatever you are facing today, you can give it to God. The God who created the wind and the waves to move at His command is powerful enough to handle all your worries!!

Sometimes He calms the storm,
With a whispered "peace be still",
He can settle any sea,
But it doesn't mean He will.
Sometimes He holds us close,
And lets the wind and waves go wild,
Sometime He calms the storm,
And other times He calms His child.

(chorus of song by Scott Krippayne)

Celebrating Life!!!

I am finished with treatment!!! I will write more later, but I wanted to let everybody know!!! I am celebrating life. I bought a new book today, enjoyed a leisurely coffee, did a little shopping, took a nap, and went for a walk and dinner in Half Moon Bay with a girlfriend. Ry gets home from Alabama in about an hour, so we can finally celebrate together!!! Praise God!!!

It was great to have my mom here yesterday when I finished - she took me out for a great lunch and then we had an "Office" marathon - she had to see Jim and Pam get back together before she left, I got her totally addicted =). I love you, mom!!!!

Just Keep Swimmin, just keep swimmin....

My ECHO came back normal - my heart is working perfectly fine and they couldn't even see any fluid anymore. So, I continued treatment today - with only a one day delay. My symptoms are still under control and I will keep taking the Motrin and resting through the remainder of this. I am almost there!!!

A Short Update

I saw the radiation oncologist today. I did not receive treatment - instead he sent me for an echocardiogram, where they looked at my heart with an ultrasound machine. It was pretty cool to watch my heart beating on the monitor. So, the cardiologist will evaluate the results and then they will probably continue treatment tomorrow or the next day. The tech who did the echo said everything looked fine(I think the ridiculous amounts of Motrin they put me on have really been helping with the inflammation), so I am thinking this is all going to be resolved very soon, with only a minor delay in my treatment schedule. Thank you for your prayers! 

Hold Me Jesus

I heard a familiar song today - one that has encouraged me at several points in my life. It has been sung by several different artists, including Rich Mullins, Big Daddy Weave, and Rebecca St. James. If you are reading this, I hope these words will encourage you in whatever you are going through. This is the cry of my heart right now:

Hold Me Jesus

Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all,
when the mountains look so big,
and my faith just seems so small.

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark,
it's so hot inside my soul,
I swear there must be blisters on my heart.

So, hold me Jesus,
cause I'm shaking like a leaf,
You have been King of my glory,
Won't you be my Prince of Peace?

Surrender don't come naturally to me,
I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want,
Than to take what you give that I need.
And I've beat my head against so many walls,
Now I'm falling down, falling on my knees...

So, hold me Jesus,
cause I'm shaking like a leaf,
You have been King of my glory,
Won't you be my Prince of Peace?

And the Salvation Army band is playing this hymn,
And your grace rings out so deep,
It makes my resistance seem so thin.

Hold me Jesus,
cause I'm shaking like a leaf,
You have been King of my glory,
Won't you be my Prince of Peace?

You have been King of my glory,
Come and be my Prince of Peace,
Lord, you are the Prince of Peace,
Come and be my Prince of Peace.