"Enough for that Day"

Then the Lord said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they follow my instructions." Exodus 16:4

I have felt great the past three days! I mean so close to normal I almost forgot I have cancer a few times! And actually even better than before I had chemo b/c the cough and nausea caused by the tumor are gone. Monday - I got up and went to work, came home still having lots of energy, walked to the store with Ry (where we bought lots of fruit to make yummy fresh juice!), and had friends over for dinner and played board games til 10. Got up early Tuesday morning, drove to Travis with Ryan, got all our questions answered by our awesome doctor, drove home, made dinner and juice together, then went to our evening Bible study, came home and ended up talking til about 11. Got up early again today, drove to Travis(about 1 1/2 hours each way) by myself for a physical therapy consult and a heart function test, drove home, still felt good, took Ryan dinner at the air station b/c he is on duty. So, the point of all this rambling is - for three days straight I have had a normal energy level and my usual pace of life(if you replace the driving and doctor's appointments with something like work). It will be awesome if every non-chemo week can be like this!!

But, I have to realize that it may not. They say that chemo wears on the body over time, increasing fatigue. Also, it can affect you differently each time. And there is always the risk of infection and complications. I feel like God is teaching me to depend on Him for each day. I can't count on the fact that 2 weeks from now I will feel like this, but I can praise Him that today was a good day, and ask for strength for whatever comes tomorrow. The reality is we are never guaranteed what will happen tomorrow, but in the same way that being diagnosed with cancer made me face my own earthly mortality (it was always there - I, being 23, just didn't usually think about it or acknowledge it), living with it makes me realize my ultimate dependence on God for each day. God gave the Israelites the gift of manna in the desert, enough for each day - any extra they collected rotted by the next morning. But God had already provided new manna for that day. He wants us to trust him day-by-day - we don't need to have a "back-up plan" in case God falls through - He never will. A book I read by Max Lucado once talked about how God's plan for the manna was an incredible gift - we don't have to worry about collecting manna for tomorrow - He has taken that burden out of our hands!!! He promises to provide for His children today, tomorrow, and forever.

Of course, this is all a lot easier to write than it is to do. Our world surrounds us with messages that tell us to take care of number one, and trust ourselves for answers. There is a strange quietness and peace in not knowing what tomorrow or the next day will be like - God has truly taken it out of my control. All I can do is lift my hands to him and say, "It's yours, Lord, and I will rest in you."