It's Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas...

Yesterday, we finally got a tree and finished Christmas shopping and wrapped presents and put up Christmas lights...and last Thursday and Friday I baked a lot of cookies!!! So, now that I'm feeling better again and we have joined the rest of the world with our version of commercialized Christmas...life is back to almost normal for another week, lol. Except better than normal because my parents and sister are flying in on Wednesday to spend Christmas with us - we are really excited to see them.

So, I survived another round of chemo...this time my neutrophil count was 200...and the doctor must have used the word "nervous" five times in the same sentence (last time I checked, it is not comforting to patients when doctors are "nervous") before she told me that I was going to get Neulasta (the growth factor) again. So, we had to go back for the shot on Tuesday - amazingly I was a lot less achy this time from it than in the past, though. Only four more treatments to go...

I am supposed to have a PET/CT scan this week, but they never called to schedule it, so I have to check tomorrow. Please pray for good results again.

I have been listening to Casting Crowns lately, and some of their lyrics are awesome. I think I have already written about the song "Praise You in the Storm" on here, which has touched my life more than once. Some of their other songs are incredibly moving also. Here are excerpts from some that have spoken to me recently:

from "In Me"

"when I am weak, you make me strong,
when I am blind, you shine your light on me,
cause I'll never get by, living on my own abilities.
how refreshing to know you don't need me,
how amazing to find that you want me,
so i'll stand on your truth and i'll fight with your strength,
until you bring the victory."

Sometimes, I feel like I just can't do it anymore, but the good news is that God can and He is the one that brings the victory.

from "Somewhere in the Middle"

"fearless warriors in a picket fence,
reckless abandon wrapped in commons sense,
deep-water faith in the shallow end,
and we are caught in the middle

with eyes wide open to the differences,
the God we want and the God who is,
but will we trade our dreams for His?
or are we caught in the middle?"

I just think this song makes some soul-searching analogies - how many time have I said "God, I'll go anywhere and do anything for you" from the comfort of my own "picket fence" life and then acted shocked and appalled when He actually asked me to go or do. I remember when I first found out that I had to go to another cutter and then it worked out I would be going to MORGENTHAU which meant going underway to faraway places for months at a time - I was upset and I didn't understand how all my perfect plans were not working out the way I was sure God had wanted them to. And God reminded me that back in high school I stood in church with my hands in the air and sang with all my heart, "Here I am send me, until every nation knows, the power of your love, give me a hunger to know, where it is you want me to go, Father I'm praying, Here am I, send me." He said, you asked me to send you. Do you still mean it? I need you to go.

And then, once again when all my carefully constructed plans seemed to be finally falling into place - Ryan and I living together in an awesome place in California, transferring to a job in the District Enforcement office (home every night, work out at lunch, travel just enough to not get too restless, but never more than a week at a time = perfect), exploring California together, weekend trips to Lake Tahoe with friends...BOOM...What? Cancer???? Do I ever get a break?
But I asked God to use me. I asked Him to take my life and transform it. I wanted to be His instrument. And that desire must go beyond "common sense" or my comfort - I want to have a deep water faith that survives in deep water. I want to trade my dreams for His.

Merry Christmas to all our wonderful family and friends!! May the birth of Jesus be real in your hearts this season!!

Still Alive and Kickin...

I know ...it's been a LONG time since I posted - I wonder if anyone is still reading this...anyway, here are some updates....

First the good news. We moved on Saturday and we love living in our new place. We had lots of awesome help and the move went really quick - thanks everybody. I feel really blessed that we are able to live here! And we actually have a guest bedroom now so all you out-of-towners should come visit us in beautiful Pacifica =)

Now the not so good news. We met with the radiation doctor on Monday, and he said I will have to have radiation. And they will wait until after my chemo is done (which I found out is not until the end of February). And it will be every day Monday through Friday for a month!!!!!! That does not sound fun. Now I'm looking at April before this is all over. Blah...

So, I feel like I've had kind of a rough week. Do you ever feel like you have everything under control, and then all of a sudden it's all crashing down on you and you just want it to all be over (just to clarify, I mean my current struggle, not life itself - nobody panic)?? And it takes a lot of effort just to get out of bed in the morning and get through the day. But, I am getting through the day and I know God is still taking care of me.

Tuesday morning, I was reading in Psalms and I was touched by Psalm37. My life verse is Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

But there are some awesome promises in the rest of the Psalm too. Here are some that struck me:

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday." v. 5

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him, fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way; over the man who carries out evil desires!" v. 6

"But the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in abundant peace" v.11

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way, though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand. " v. 23-24

"I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread. He is ever lending generously, and his children become a blessing." v. 25-6

"The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord, he is their stronghold in times of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him." v. 39-40

Greetings from Alabama!!!

Hello! We arrived safely in Alabama last night!! We are visiting Ryan's family down here. We are enjoying some serious good ol down south homestyle cooking. I came to the library to do my biochem homework that was due today (my nerdiness continues to be a problem =) so I thought I would post real quick. It's great to be with family for the holidays, and to get away for a few days. And so far, it appears that I flew without incident yesterday - except for the minor complication where our bags were delayed and being the genius that I am had put all my prescription drugs in my checked luggage - but they arrived at midnight last night so we are ok, like my grandma always says, God takes care of drunks, fools, and MacCorkles (my mother's maiden name).

Anyway, we have to get back to the lakehouse. One of Ryan's best friends and his girlfriend are on the way up here to see us - we are excited to see them!! I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Grade 3 Neutropenia....and other mysteries of life

So, I had chemo yesterday - we were only at Stanford for 6 hours this time, which is still enough to make valet parking cheaper than the garage - yea for the little things in life. Stanford has a completely different philosophy on chemo treatment than Travis, which we are still getting used to. At Travis, I was automatically given Neulasta to keep my white blood cells up and even during my nadir period (7-10 days after treatment, when the counts reach their lowest), my counts were always normal. At Stanford, they don't believe in giving Neulasta unless you REALLY need it. Yesterday, when I had labs before my chemo, my total white blood cell count was 1900 (the normal range starts at 4000) and my neutrophils (the major infection fighting cells) were 800 (normal starts at 1500). This is considered Grade 3 neutropenia, which means I am much more susceptible to infection than the normal population. The crazy thing is...my counts were probably even lower at some point last week (in the 7-10 day period) and I had no idea because Stanford does not do an off-week lab check like Travis did. So, they still gave me chemo, with no Neulasta, and added a antibiotic and anti-fungal medicine to my drug regimen as preventative measures. They handed us a study that showed that this method had a higher survival rate. The thing I am wondering about though, I mean, I realize I'm not the MD here, but the one study they seem to be going off only contained 84 patients. How do you get accurate statistical data with only 84 patients??? 61 on the treatment plan I am now, and the other 23 were the control group who received a growth factor. I'm having a hard time understanding how the results of such a study could be statistically significant, but then again I'm not the genius at Stanford getting paid the big bucks???

So, I am actully feeling relatively good today, but still pretty tired. Ryan is busy planning his big trip to climb Mt. Whitney with one of his best buds this weekend, so we have backpacking equipment all over the living room - it makes me excited for when I can go again!!!

I want to start working out more, even during my chemo weeks - I think it will help me feel better sooner. I am going to try to have Ryan take me to the pool tomorrow after I get up to do some aquajogging - movement and a resistance workout without the impact will be good.

Not much else to say - I have a biochem quiz this week that I need to study for and I am preparing to take the GRE on December 22. Did I mention we are moving the first week of December?? We will seriously take all the help we can get - pizza and beer on us!!We are really excited about our new place - we have a nice patio, backyard, and sunroom, and we wanna start a Thursday night cook-out tradition (if you are reading this and you live in the Bay Area, you are definitely invited).

Thank you for all the cards, meals, prayers, comments, and kind thoughts. It really makes all this so much more bearable. It has been so nice to get home from Stanford or feel exhausted on Tuesday and not have to worry about what's for dinner. We love all of you!!

Another Chemo Week Down...

As a friend so kindly pointed out to us that we've been "chillin" for over a week, I decided to write today =)

So, I made it through another week of chemo. Monday was kind of frustrating - we were at Stanford for seven hours!!! My appointment with the doctor was supposed to be at noon, and we got my labs done beforehand and checked in at 11:45 and they didn't call us back until 2:00. Then, my chemo was scheduled for 2:30, but of course now we were late for that and then we waited over an hour for the drugs to come....I guess when you are the best in your field, you have the luxury of making people wait!!!!

Other than that, everything went fine and I survived another week. Now I am enjoying starting to feel good again. Ryan is on duty, so I am going to spend my day scrapbooking and hanging out with my friend Christie (not as in myself, there's actually another one who spells her name the same way!! )

This just in...we are moving!! The first week of December. To a one-story house about ten minutes south of where we live now with a really pretty view of the hills, a nice backyard, and a sunroom!! We have been wanting to move out of this area for awhile, and we are so excited that God has provided the opportunity! I know we must seem crazy to take on moving at a time like this, but we've done crazier things than this and I think it will be very worth it in the end.

I feel truly blessed. Even though I am still going through one of the greatest trials of my life, and I am getting weary of it sometimes - lately I've been saying to Ryan, "I'm just getting so tired of all of this", I can't consider myself anything less than blessed. Blessed by the wonderful people we have in our life, blessed to live in such a beautiful place, blessed to have stable jobs, blessed to have an awesome husband, blessed to be able to enjoy life and laughter together everyday, and ultimately, no matter what happens, blessed to have assurance of eternal life through Jesus Christ.

Prayer Requests:

- This chemo cycle is the first time I have not been given a growth factor to boost my white blood cell count. Pray that my counts would maintain a good level on their own, that I would have energy and be protected from infection.
- for our upcoming move
- Thanksgiving travel: we purchased tickets to travel to Ryan's home for Thanksgiving - pray that my counts will be good and we will be able to make the trip

Just Chillin...

We are still smiling from our big news on Tuesday! Praise God!!! Unfortunately, cold and flu season is upon us - my co-worker called me yesterday morning to warn me that I might not wanna come in b/c lots of people at work were getting sick. And this morning Ryan woke up with a bad cold and did not go to work either (pilots cannot fly when they are sick, so they are encouraged to keep their sicknesses at home so as not to incapacitate the air station). Please pray that Ryan gets better before my chemo on Monday(otherwise he probably can't come with me) and that I do not catch anything from him.

We helped at the Fall Festival at our church tonight - I love watching kids have fun!! We are really blessed to have such a great church family.

I'm really looking forward to getting better and finishing chemo. I have been thinking a lot about things I wanna do - some in the near future and some down the road. Here's a list of some:

- learn my current job better and do it well (i was only there a month before I was diagnosed)
- coach a high school cross-country team
- get my master's degree
- teach Sunday school again
- have kids
- compete in triathlons
- open a cancer care center with Christian staff and principles (this one is probably many years down the road)

But for now, I will rest in God's goodness and provision.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

PET/CT Scan Results

Christie's PET/CT scan results came in today - with GREAT results. The scan showed NO cancer at all!

This is great news. After only 4 chemo treatments, the cancer is no longer detectable. This doesn't necessarily mean it's gone. When the cancer is small enough, the PET/CT can no longer detect it, though some may yet reside. This is OK, though - Christie will just keep getting Chemo for a while to make sure that all of it is destroyed. Studies show that continuing the chemo for 4-6 months yield a mere 5-10% relapse rate. So, Christie's odds have now gone from ~70% to 90-95%!

So basically: If any cancer cells are left over, they have the potential to cause a complete relapse. So - while the PET/CT results are HUGE blessing and GREAT news, the chemo will continue. Please continue to pray for Christie's strength to hold up, and for her to continue to tolerate the cumulative affects of the treatment. (She has been holding up extremely well throughout the treatments thus far, though - her worst symptoms were actually during the first treatment, though the less-severe symptoms she now experiences last about a day or two longer than they did at first).

Thank you for your continuing prayers. Please pray for the cancer to be gone and for the residual dead scar tissue to shrink. If it shrinks, she might not need radiation. If it's still there, she will need it, since some cancer cells can hide from the chemo in it.

Cancer is a strange beast - it seems that no one ever really knows what will happen. In fact, even the experts are afraid of trying to predict. We will play the odds with selecting proper treatments, but we know that in the big-picture (i.e. God's picture) odds don't matter. They don't matter at all when you know what will happen and you can orchestrate it all for good anyway. I think God would make a poor statistician - he had no need for statistics =)

Still Waiting...

We realized that our last post may have been misleading...we did not actually get the results on Tuesday, I only had the PETSCAN and then the results take several days and they send them to your doctor. Hopefully we will get them this week, maybe at our appointment on Tuesday.

Tomorrow (Monday) we have our transfer appointment at Stanford. Hopefully that goes well - transferring doctors is kinda scary, even if it is Stanford.

We attended a retreat this past weekend with Cleansing Stream ministries - we had been going through the Bible study seminar for the past several weeks with our church. It was amazing!!! If you ever have an opportunity to go through a Cleansing Stream seminar and retreat - I highly recommend it!!!

I have had this chorus from one of the praise songs we sang playing in my head:

"I call your name,
and Lord, you reply,
You bring your kingdom
and stand by my side."

How amazing is that?! We have all the power of God's kingdom available to us through Christ as His children. I just have this picture of facing an enemy alone and calling on God and suddenly being surrounded on all sides by an army in my defense.

Thank you for all your prayers and support. May God bless you tremendously this week!

PET Scan Tomorrow - big update to come!

Last weekend was a blur - getting "bagged" (i.e. exceeding mission time in the helicopter and having to get relieved by a fresh crew) while on duty and hoisting someone who fell off a 350' cliff, not sleeping for 48 hrs, watching the San Francisco Red Bull Soap Box Race in Dolores Park (in S.F.) and getting our car towed while on the way to chemo and having to put it off until yesterday, it's been crazy. And we don't even have kids ... I'm sure that would add a new level of chaos to things

Christie received Chemo yesterday, so we're a day off her normal schedule. No big deal. Tomorrow she'll have her PET scan, which is a pretty accurate body scan for active cancer cells. We're hoping and praying that it shows NO tumor at all. That would be outstanding. The docs would surely put her through the rest of her chemo, but that would be great. I've been thinking about what would cause the doctors to declare her cured on the spot tomorrow - and the only thing I can think of is if there were no sign of anything at all abnormal in her chest. That would be miraculous, since even after the cancer is gone, there will probably be all sorts of scar tissue and residual fibers from where the tumor was growing.

We're praying for Christie to be completely cured like that. But even if she is not, God is still good, we realize he still loves us as much as if he did cure her miraculously, and we will wait on Him, the God who, for those who love Him, turn bad things into good things (somehow ... amazingly ... curiously). Please pray for excellent results on tomorrow's test.

Updates

Wow - I haven't written in over a week. It seems like so much has happened. I flew without incident to San Diego last Monday night and got underway with the patrol boats all day Tuesday, then flew back home Tuesday night. I worked Wednesday, went to Travis for labs and then biochem class on Thursday, and ...(drumroll please)...flew to South Padre Island to visit my family on Friday. We had an awesome weekend together - it was so good to see them and to enjoy a few hours relaxing on a tropical beach =) It was awesome to swim comfortably in the ocean without a wetsuit again.

Then I flew home last night. Ryan was on duty unexpectedly and I ended up staying at a friend's house and picking him up in the morning to go to Travis for chemo. We stopped on the way to have breakfast in San Fran with a couple of my friends from the Academy that were in town for the Nike Women's marathon - they were actually running it with Team-in-Training, which raises money for leukemia and lymphoma research, which is awesome! Anyway, we had a great time at breakfast and then came back and our car was gone!!!!! San Francisco is runing a major scam - they make the signs that tell you when you can park somewhere really confusing, prowl the streets in the morning looking for victims to tow for no real logical reason other than a stupid sign, than charge you $285 plus a $70 ticket to get your car back!!! And we fell prey to the whole thing - I called the nurses while we were waiting in line with the other 20 people they had managed to victimized before 10:30 in the morning and told them what happened, and they said that by the time we got there it would be too late to do my chemo today (what?), and we could come first thing tomorrow morning. For some reason, I broke out in tears right there in the auto return place and could not stop crying all the way home. It's crazy - I guess I was mentally and emotionally prepared to have it today, and the thought of waiting and having to start all over tomorrow was suddenly overwhelming. So, we got home and it was almost noon so at this point neither of us were planning to go to work so I suggested we rent a movie and visit one of our friends who just had surgery and can't really get off the couch too much. So we did and it was a nice afternoon. We ended up having dinner at another friend's house later on in the evening so today, while completely unplanned, turned out to be a great day of just spending time with awesome people. It's not very often you get to do that all day on a Monday, so I guess I don't really have any complaints - it was a gift from above.

Tomorrow is chemo - please pray for my recovery again. I'm supposed to have a biochem midterm on Thursday, which will now probably be my worst day, so I am trying to reschedule. I think this might count as "exceptional circumstances" ???

Thank you for all your prayers and support. I am truly blessed by the people in my life.

Whom then shall I fear?

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And even though I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life,
I won't turn back I know you are near.

And I will fear no evil, for my God is with me,
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear, whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, you never let go, through the calm and through the storm
oh no, you never let go, every high and every low,
oh no, you never let go, Lord, you never let go of me."

Two months ago, I returned from my final patrol on MORGENTHAU. On the first Sunday I was in church after that, this was one of the worship songs and it was a song of praise for me, thanking God for bringing me through "the calms and the storms" of the past year on the cutter, and the past couple years of Ryan and I being apart all the time. I was thinking back over the past couple years about how God had truly never let go, and had brought us to this time when we could live in the same place for months/even years at a time(imagine that?) and I felt like we had completed a journey in our lives and arrived at a more restful, settled time - as if God was giving us a breath of fresh air.

Now, two months later, this has become my song of faith and my prayer, as we sang it in church again this morning. I am so thankful that Ryan and I can live together consistently now, and there is such peace and joy in knowing that we will not be saying good-bye next week or next month or the month after, etc. And we appreciate this more than we ever would have before. I am also experiencing a certain type of rest in the journey of this sickness - every other week I am forced to slow down and a quiet falls over my life for a few days and I believe that God will use those times to draw me to Him - He is showing me that I need to give up all my anxieties during that time and just let Him do that. And then, in the big picture of life, mine has been taken out of my hands and immediate control (or semblance of control) right now, and God is showing me what it means to rest in Him. And this extends to every area of my life -work, future plans, relationships, etc. - when I become anxious or overwhelmed or do not know what to do, I find myself more and more asking Him to show me and praying simply, "I will rest in you."

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

TGIF!!!

It's Friday again!!! And I am feeling better - Tuesday, Wednesday, and the first half of Thursday were not very fun - but Fridays of chemo weeks are always nice b/c I start to feel better - it's like coming back to the real world after hibernating for several days (sort of).

We went to see the movie Fireproof with some friends tonight - it's awesome - I highly recommend it. It's pretty amazing that they are showing it in the big theaters. Although, we could only find it in one theater near us in Cali, and we had to drive all the way across the Bay Bridge to Emeryville to see it. Not one theater in San Francisco or the peninsula was showing it!!!

Next week I am expecting to feel good again =), so I have made plans to travel to San Diego on Monday night and Tuesday for work and then...more excitingly (I know...that's not really a word ...but I have chemo brain =) ...to Texas next weekend to see my parents, grandma and sister at my parent's new beach condo on South Padre Island!!!! I'm really excited!!!!!

Chemo # 3

The nurse peeled off the numbing pad that Christie placed on her Power Port this morning. As she reached for the long, curved hollow needle and prepared to pierce the port to deliver Chemo # 3, Christie said, "Wait ... could you use some of that numbing spray, too?"

The head nurse, sitting and facing away from Christie, typing away at the 1980's era MS DOS computer that typifies Travis AFB's computer network, gave her a sly look over her right shoulder. "Okay," she said too cheerfully, " ... but you know ... they don't give the spray at Stanford ... "

:::Nervous laughter from Christie:::

Hmmm... I guess the rumor's spread among the nurses that Christie might be transferred!

We will be sad to leave the awesome doctors and nurses that have been taking care of us - but Stanford is so much closer and better for our schedule, not to mention one of the leading facilities in the country for Hodgkin's disease.

Christie's week has been great. She's been exercising a bit at work most days. Saturday we went to the "Rock of Ages" Festival in Napa Valley - it was a concert-type festival that featured the Newsboys and Seventh Day Slumber - both great bands. The way Christie was jumping around, you wouldn't even know she had anything wrong!

We are doing well - both feeling very at peace. I am so thankful that work is giving me the opportunity to take care of Christie on her bad days. I am thankful to my bosses, because they are excellent, and co-workers because they are taking up some of my slack. (No, they don't have this blog address, so they don't know I'm writing this, so I'm NOT sucking up to either!) I am thankful to Jesus for caring for us so well. Three weeks of Chemo down!

Isaiah 40:28,29
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."

"Enough for that Day"

Then the Lord said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they follow my instructions." Exodus 16:4

I have felt great the past three days! I mean so close to normal I almost forgot I have cancer a few times! And actually even better than before I had chemo b/c the cough and nausea caused by the tumor are gone. Monday - I got up and went to work, came home still having lots of energy, walked to the store with Ry (where we bought lots of fruit to make yummy fresh juice!), and had friends over for dinner and played board games til 10. Got up early Tuesday morning, drove to Travis with Ryan, got all our questions answered by our awesome doctor, drove home, made dinner and juice together, then went to our evening Bible study, came home and ended up talking til about 11. Got up early again today, drove to Travis(about 1 1/2 hours each way) by myself for a physical therapy consult and a heart function test, drove home, still felt good, took Ryan dinner at the air station b/c he is on duty. So, the point of all this rambling is - for three days straight I have had a normal energy level and my usual pace of life(if you replace the driving and doctor's appointments with something like work). It will be awesome if every non-chemo week can be like this!!

But, I have to realize that it may not. They say that chemo wears on the body over time, increasing fatigue. Also, it can affect you differently each time. And there is always the risk of infection and complications. I feel like God is teaching me to depend on Him for each day. I can't count on the fact that 2 weeks from now I will feel like this, but I can praise Him that today was a good day, and ask for strength for whatever comes tomorrow. The reality is we are never guaranteed what will happen tomorrow, but in the same way that being diagnosed with cancer made me face my own earthly mortality (it was always there - I, being 23, just didn't usually think about it or acknowledge it), living with it makes me realize my ultimate dependence on God for each day. God gave the Israelites the gift of manna in the desert, enough for each day - any extra they collected rotted by the next morning. But God had already provided new manna for that day. He wants us to trust him day-by-day - we don't need to have a "back-up plan" in case God falls through - He never will. A book I read by Max Lucado once talked about how God's plan for the manna was an incredible gift - we don't have to worry about collecting manna for tomorrow - He has taken that burden out of our hands!!! He promises to provide for His children today, tomorrow, and forever.

Of course, this is all a lot easier to write than it is to do. Our world surrounds us with messages that tell us to take care of number one, and trust ourselves for answers. There is a strange quietness and peace in not knowing what tomorrow or the next day will be like - God has truly taken it out of my control. All I can do is lift my hands to him and say, "It's yours, Lord, and I will rest in you."

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed. I think that's a good description of how we are feeling right now.

Overwhelmed by information. The forum this weekend was awesome and very helpful, especially the opportunities to talk to some of the experts in Hodgkin's lymphoma, but three days of learning about cancer is ALOT. I think it's time for us to take a break and think about something else for a few days (or at least try).

Overwhelmed by questions for my doctor on Tuesday. We already had a list of about 10 things we were wondering about(ranging from "Can I travel at Thanksgiving?" to "Is it okay to drink the acai juice someone gave us?") but after this weekend I think that list has doubled.

Overwhelmed by frustrating factors. As the initial shock of finding out about the disease wears off, the reality of living with it sets in. I'm 24 years old and I kinda feel like I'm living in a body that is 60 years older (for now, due to chemo, thankfully the effects are reversible). I can't just go for a run like I did before, I get tired way sooner and easier, and I have to constantly think about minimizing my risk of infection and any small infection that used to be normal and go away on its own has now become a quasi-emergency. Our normal, care-free young adult life has disappeared for the time being.

Overwhelmed by my overactive mind. Before, when I was living my life, I could sleep at night and although I was always making plans and setting goals for myself, I was actively working at them towards them during the day so it all balanced out. Now, it's like my body and ability can't keep up with my mind and my plans for myself, so I lay awake at night trying to figure out how I am going to work and what I wanna do with my life right now, etc. etc. I think cancer might be God's way of telling me to SLOW DOWN for awhile, but I'm having a hard time with that.

And yet, overwhelmed by God's goodness and blessings in the midst of suffering. Even this weekend, we had an unexpected gift when the director of patient programs for the Lymphoma Research Foundation offered us an extra room they had at the nice hotel the forum was at for free as a thank-you for our participation in a video they were making for young adults. We had a very relaxing Saturday night away from everything as a result.I am so thankful to have Ryan in my life, and for what God will do in our relationship as we walk through this together. I am thankful for all the awesome family and friends that God has put in my life and for the way that things like this make us truly appreciate what really matters. And I am thankful that God has a plan in all of this, and I look forward to seeing what He can do with this trial in my life.

I have some specific prayer requests again tonight:

- We learned a lot at the conference this weekend about radiation for Hodgkin's disease and the very serious risks of late effects associated with it. Please pray for our decisions about this in a few months, and for the doctors that will be advising us, as this is something that weighs heavy on our minds right now - pray that God will guide us to the right information to help us make the best decision.
- I'm going back to work tomorrow - my plan is to work half-days on non-chemo weeks (when I don't have appointments, and work from home the rest of the time (they gave me a remote access token for my computer here).

This is pretty cool. As I was typing this, Ryan came in to read Psalm 33 with me. This is part of it that spoke to exactly what I was writing and thinking about:

"The best-equipped army cannot save a king,
nor is great strength enough to save a warrior.
Don't count on your warhorse (chemo, radiation, etc.)
to give you victory - for all its strength, it cannot save you.
But the Lord watches over those who fear him,
those who rely on his unfailing love.
He rescues them from death, and keeps them alive
in times of famine.
We depend on the Lord alone to save us,
Only he can help us, protecting us like a shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we are trusting in His holy name,
Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,
for our hope is in you alone."
Psalm 33:16-22

Happy Friday!

It's Friday morning after my second round of chemo, and I'm about to take my mom out to breakfast at our awesome bakery, and then to the airport =( It's been great having her here and that she could stay so long, but I guess now we have to learn to survive in this big scary world on our own =)

I have never felt so tired in my life as the first couple of days after my chemo this week. I slept, and then woke up for a few minutes and slept some more. And even when I was awake my entire body felt fatigued. I did manage to make it to my wig appointment on Wednesday - I picked up my new look and the stylist cut my hair shorter - I don't think I will have what's left of it for much longer, but I'm gonna let it come out naturally.

So, it's day five and I am starting to feel alive again. Ryan and I are attending a forum this weekend in San Francisco put on by the Lymphoma Research Foundation for patients, survivors, and loved ones. How strange that the big annual forum on lymphoma just happens to be in San Francisco three weeks after I am diagnosed?? Just another indication that God is directing the details of our lives.

Thank you for all your prayers - have a very happy Friday!!!

Chemo Can't Cage Boogie Boarding Babe

Christie's new-found ritual of boogie boarding the day after chemo has seen a strong second round. After resting up all morning and early afternoon to keep her energy up for the beach, we set out around 4 PM for Montara. The waves looked dangerous there, so we went back to Linda Mar. Christie boarded for almost an hour! It was great - we even got video and pics of it. (I'll start posting videos once we get our new computer - I can't edit them on this one).

On the downside, her hair has been coming out with increasing speed. It is difficult to watch her pull handfuls of it out every day, but we are yet thankful that she is getting a very successful treatment.

We have been collecting so many cancer stories from various people whom it has touched. The place of sickness in our lives is something that I haven't had to think too much about up to this point. Christie's sickness has forced me to now. A few recurring themes that we are finding through thus far (in no particular order):

In this life we will suffer. God turns these trials into good - and we need to see them as opportunities for such (Don't Waste Your Cancer - John Piper).
Jesus' first coming wasn't for His children's physical healing (though He did heal some, and still does), at least not yet - but His next one will be.
God doesn't heal everyone - not even every Christian who asks.
We should yet fervently pray for healing, desire healing, and seek healing.
His purposes in these trials are not to heal our bodies, but to bring us (and others) close to him - and to shake apart the hindrances.
How much better is any type of life with Jesus than any other with anyone else!

Psalm 84:9-11

Look upon our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one.

Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

Monster's Melting!!!!

Great news today!!! I had a chest x-ray this morning to check on the initial progress, since some of my symptoms have been decreasing (the cough, the chest pains, monster-induced nausea, and my heart rate was even down to 86 this morning, before it was a steady 110-120). Dr. Wild said that in the x-ray, monster appeared "measurably smaller" and that the tumor marker count in my blood has gone down significantly. We were really excited to hear this news - it's encouraging to know the chemo is already doing its thing. Thank you for all the prayers!

Chemo went well today. The first time, I had intense chest pains during and after the last drug (which is an hour drip), exactly similar to the pain I experienced with alcohol consumption before I knew I had this disease - this week, no pain whatsoever!! How am I feeling now?
As long as I sit or lie down I'm ok - I feel dizzy and weak when I stand up and walk around - but it was like that last time too - I guess I have A LOT of drugs running through me right now.

I still plan to go boogie-boarding tomorrow, at least for a little while, if I feel good. I decided (I think I mentioned yesterday) that every day after chemo that I feel good enough will be beach/boogie-boarding day, and there are so many little beaches as you drive south from Pacifica - I want to start exploring them all sequentially and then find my favorites. I am a crazy beach lover - and I think every beach has its own beauty and flavor, even if they are only a few miles apart. I will keep you posted on my findings, if any of you who live in California ever have some extra time and would like to join me, let me know.

Someday I plan to take up surfing (I've done it once in the warm, perfect waters of Hawaii) but right not I don't really trust my legs enough for that.

You know how sometimes in life, God keeps bringing the same few Bible verse to your attention over and over? I feel like there are a few words from Him that I keep running across again and again right now. It's exciting to see how God can speak to us in so many different ways. Here are a couple of those verses:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Psalms 3:5-6

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."
Romans 8:26

And two that I just came across tonight:

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them. " Psalm 34:7

"Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your holy one see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:9-11

Enjoying the Good Days

So, I'm on Day 16 after chemo (it will usually be only 14 days, but the doctors wanted to move it from Thursday to Monday), so I'm feeling pretty good. We had an awesome weekend. On Friday night, Ryan and I ate at the Corral Steakhouse in Pacifica - it's way back through all these neighborhoods, right across from the horse stables - it is a very well-kept secret. The food was delicious and the atmosphere was great. On Saturday, we went with my mom down to Ano Nuevo to watch the elephant seals - I hiked three miles!! Half of it was over sand dunes too!! But the elephant seals are pretty fun to watch - some of them were in the water playing with each other - if you live in CA and you are reading this, I would definitely recommend you make the trip. And then we explored the small town of Pescadero, CA. Sunday was nice too - I had breakfast at my favorite bakery with a friend from Ryan's work, went to church, out to lunch with Bible study friends, went home and took a nap(I get tired these days, lol) and then took my mom down to Half Moon Bay, where we sat on the deck of Sam's Chowder House, listening to live music, eating clam chowder, and enjoying the ocean breeze and beautiful views.

I have my second dose of chemo tomorrow, so the next three days will probably be kinda blah...however if things go like last time, Tuesday will actually be alright - so I plan to go boogie-boarding again, which will get me through Wednesday, when I probably won't make it very far off the couch.

Thank you for all your comments, encouraging words, friendship, support, and prayers.

Prayer requests:

- That everything goes alright with the next round of chemo
- I am losing my hair!!! By the handful - it's so strange! Pray that it won't be too traumatic and that it will come back curly again =)
- I would like to pray that God will save my ability to have babies in the future, despite all the chemo drugs

False Alarm!

So, I went to work today, and was having a fairly normal day involving paperwork, talking to people, a test-flight of one of the helicopters, and then some PT time with the crew.

Around noon, Christie called and asked me to call the doctor about a painful bump she had on her back (like a pore infection). So, I called, expecting them to say that it's not a big deal. Well, anything is a big deal when you're on chemo!

They said to come in right away, if possible. So, around 1300, I rushed home, picked up Christie, and we drove the 1.5 hrs to Travis AFB where they gave her some antibiotics (Keflex) and checked her blood for white blood cells. Her count is 3000, which is great for being on chemo. So, her immune system is doing pretty good, and she is probably able to fight things off like normal.

So, with about 2 hours to go until her class in Redwood City starts, we commenced groundhog day: drove the 1.2 hour drive straight to her class, and it still took 2 hours because of California traffic (just like last week)! We got her there late again, but she's taking Biochemistry, which is a pretty nerdy class - and since the U.S. is in a nerd shortage right now, the demand is high and they'll let her slide. Well, that, and she told the teacher she has cancer! That's like a "Get Out of Jail Free" card!

So, realizing that we've driven over 5.5 hours today, I'm going to see if they'll just let us take one of the helicopters next week. It sure would cut down on the traffic...

James 1:4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Good Things

My first semester at the Coast Guard Academy, every night my roommates and I would each talk about three good things that had happened during the day. It was our way of seeing the bright side in the midst of a very challenging environment - sometimes our "good things"were as simple as "I ate a Snickers bar" or "I heard my favorite song on the radio". We've come a long way since then, lol.

Here are 5 good things about today:

1) I slept really good last night and I slept in this morning.

2) My friend and co-worker Britney brought me flowers, cookies and a delicious lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup (my favorite comfort food =)

3) I picked out a wig - one of the first ones I put on was almost exactly what I wanted. No description - you will have to wait and see the new me (that is, IF I lose my hair, I'm still hoping to keep it).

4) I caught up with a couple of very close friends that live far away.

5) My mom bought me really cute shoes at Macy's = )

Psalm 8:9-10
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."

I now have a power port!!!!

So, I'm not a big fan of doctors, needles, cutting, surgery, blood,etc. In fact, I would say I am phobic. Maybe I am supposed to overcome my fears over the next six months, lol. Needless to say, I was really scared/nervous about my surgery today because I had to be awake, under conscious sedation, which I have never experienced before. The nurse made it worse by explaining to me the whole process ahead - that they were going to stick a needle in a vein in my neck and thread it all the way to my vena cava, then make an incision in my chest to place the port and tunnel through my skin to meet up with the needle. I was really afraid I was going to have a panic atttack on the table. ..

The cool thing is...conscious sedation actually works. About five minutes after they gave me the drugs, I felt dizzy and sleepy and kind of like I was floating and I thought, "I really could care less if they stick a needle in my neck right now". And even though I was awake and I remember being there and hearing the doctors talking, I have no idea what actually happened when, and I didn't feel anything except the local anesthetic, but I didn't even care. So, I was incredibly apprehensive going to the hospital today, but the procedure turned out much better than I feared.

And then I came home and slept off the drugs and Ryan grilled a delicious dinner of steak, fish, and vegetable kabobs (I had not been allowed to eat all day). I am thankful to have such an amazing husband, and he is also the best steak-griller that I have ever met!!!

So that's it for the hospital for me until Monday when I have my second dose of chemo. Tomorrow I have an appointment to get a wig made - one day soon you may not recognize me =)

Surgery!

Christie has a surgery coming today. The chemo drugs (ABVD) that she is on are very caustic and will burn whatever they touch (in fact, the doctors wear gloves and a hazard suit to keep from it splashing on them! And this stuff's supposed to cure her? Yikes). So, every time that she gets chemo through an arm vein, it burns those veins. There is also chance that, since an IV must be re-inserted each time that chemo is administered, the IV could be accidentally placed outside the vein and into surrounding tissue (fatty tissue, muscle, etc). The ABVD drug would then burn those tissues cauing permanent damage.

So, a port will be a permanent place to take blood and administer medicine, so no IV will be necessary for the duration of treatment, thus reducing the likelihood of a misplaced IV and damaged tissue from the ABVD.

We'll be back tonight to update on how the procedure went.

I feel good...

It's Day 9 after chemo, and I am feeling pretty good. Yesterday I went for another 30 second walk/jog interval session, and that felt good. My legs still feel weak and I have lost feeling in my fingertips, but other than that I feel very good. Before I started chemo, I had quite the cough and I was almost constantly nauseous, symptoms caused by the size and location of the tumor. This week, I noticed that my cough is now nonexistent and I have felt less nauseous the past couple of days than I have in weeks. Could it be that monster is already shrinking???

We had a nice day - we went to church this morning and then my mom took us to lunch at our favorite Thai restaurant. She has hardly ever eaten Thai food - but I think we converted her!! Then some of our family friends stopped by on their way to LA - it was nice to see them.

The sermon in church this morning was titled "The Crucible of Unexplained Suffering." How fitting. The pastor talked about Joseph and his time in prison - how he faced multiple disappointments and yet never lost his faith in God and His plan. I feel like I am in that crucible right now - after spending the first year and a half of our marriage almost constantly apart, Ryan and I were finally able to live together like God intended - and I was just telling some friends a few weeks ago that I felt settled for the first time in awhile - like everything was falling into place and God was giving us a break. And then....

But He promises that He "works all things together for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28). I really feel that God is in all this with us, and that we will see His purpose fulfilled throughout this journey and in the years to come. Sometimes I wonder if He using this to prepare me for something...a ministry, a job, people in my life that I will be able to help, or maybe just to shape my heart for His future plans.

Thank you for all your prayers and support!

Here are the words to the first verse and chorus of a Casting Crowns song that has touched my heart:

"I was sure by now, that you would have reached down,
And wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say Amen, and it's still raining.

But as the thunder rolls, I barely hear you whisper through the rain,
I'm with you.
And as your mercy falls,
I'll raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

I'll praise you in this storm,
And I will lift my hands,
You are who you are,
No matter where I am,
And every tear I cry,
You hold in your hand,
You never left my side,
And though my heart is torn,
I will praise you in this storm."

Day 6 Chemo, Checkup, and Biochemistry

Day 6 of chemo was much like the past few; in a nutshell:

0930 - wake up and then fall back to sleep

1100 - wake up and eat breakfast

1200 - leave for oncologist appointment; realize it's lunchtime already

1330 - blood work and IV fluids - blood workwas good, neutrophils (one of 5 type of white blood cell that is used as a marker for overall white blood cell count) was 1200 per cubic millimeter (1500-2000 is normal). So, she's just below normal, but not quite to the >1000 mark, which is considered to be low.

1615 - leave Travis AFB hospital, drive back home to get ready for her Biochemistry class (tell me that's not ironic)

1815 - finally wade through traffic and make it home; class starts in 15 minutes and is 45 minutes away...

1900 - arrive in Redwood city for her class at the Berkeley satelite campus

Now it's 2045, and she gets out of class at 2130. So meanwhile I took Mom on a date to Starbucks nearby ... don't tell Christie.

Day 5 Chemo

For the past two days, Christie seems to have reached a plateau - a place that is not quite 100%, but not miserably ill, either. This morning we went on a short jog together. She started out wobbly as she is physically weakened, but seemed to gain confidence and managed about half an hour of 30-second jog / walk intervals.

Afterward, she still felt ok - so I took her on a hot date in the city. She was, by far, the most ravishing around - and definitely the most gorgeous cancer patient I've had the pleasure to know. I told her that, and she agreed. After a trip to the de Young Museum of Fine Art and dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (atop the Macy's Building in Union Square, for all you non-San Francisco types) she was pooped. I brought her home, and she is still feeling ok - but pretty wiped out. We are very thankful that her condition has been so good. It's been great to be able to have my wife feeling good enough to get out, exercise, and enjoy herself.

She's also been feeling some pain in her chest and lower back / hips the past couple of days. We are told this is normal, as her bone marrow is still kicking out white blood cells like it's their job.

Tomorrow she'll visit the doctor for some blood-work, including a white blood cell count and tumor marker. Please pray for a good tumor marker and white blood cell count.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."

Highlights

I'm not in the mood to write much tonight, but wanted to let everyone know I am feeling better today.

Highlights:
- I would say I started turning the corner around noon today - I am feeling much better now - still fatigued, but not as sick and not achy at all
- Ryan went to work today and is scheduled for a lunchtime flight tomorrow!
- Ryan and I went for a walk today - it was absolutely beautiful outside - living by the ocean is so cool!!
- Really enjoying having my mom here - she's awesome and it's great spending time with her

Thank you for all the support and prayers. We are so blessed to have such great people in our life. I can't imagine going through this alone. May God bless you today - take a moment to recognize and enjoy His gifts!

Day 2 Chemo

Christie felt much more of Chemo's effects today. She has felt very fatigued all day. Early this morning, around 3 AM or so, she began to feel aching in her neck. Throughout the early morning it spread to her arms and down her chest. Of course we were just a little worried about that, so we got up and re-read the side affects of her treatments. It seems that most of what has been hurting today is from the shot I gave her yesterday evening - the one that kicks her bone marrow into overdrive. It aches because it's pushing the marrow to produce white bloods cells (WHC) at a much higher rate in order to offset the large number being killed by the chemo. Between now and next weekend we have to watch her very closely, since her white blood count will be down - she now has a compromised immune system. One normally has ~4000 WHC per cubic millimeter of blood, but she'll rapidly drop this week to about 500. Hopfully it will then build back as the chemo effect wears off. It needs to be above ~1500 before she can have her next chemo. We also have to keep her away from sick people and make sure she gets no cuts or anything, since any infection or disease could overrun her immune system. Hope that's not too much info for you all!

Since Mom (Christie's mom) is here for the duration of the first round of chemo, I'm going in to work tomorrow to talk to my boss. (Actually, I have like eight bosses, but who's counting?!) It is unpleasant and distracting knowing that Christie is sick and getting hammered from chemo, so I'm not sure to what extent I'll be flying. I will ask to fly this week, but doubt they'll put me back on duty until next month. I'm sure everyone is on edge from the Hawaii crew that died in that Dolphin crash on Friday.

Please pray for discernment and strength for us - and good results from the chemo. Christie is very active and hates being cooped up inside. I am struggling with thinking about work with Christie being sick. Thank you for the prayers, phone calls, and comments. It is encouraging to know you are with us - you are constant reminders that He loves us and is intimate with the details of our lives. May He grant you peace this week as you deal with the tests you are given as well.

Day 1 Chemo

I felt surprisingly good today! The drugs they have now to control the nausea are amazing - medicine has improved so much over the past few years. I do feel fatigued and slightly weaker than usual, but so far it is very manageable. To take advantage of a good day, Ryan, my mom and I went to the beach and did some boogie-boarding with our friends Richard and Stephanie. It felt really good to get in the water and try out my new wetsuit. I can't wait til I feel up to surfing again! My mom had a lot of fun too - this is the first time she swam in the Pacific in many years!!! Then we ran into a bunch of people from church - it was really encouraging to see them. If any of you are reading this, thank you for all your love, friendship and support.

Ryan had to give me a shot tonight to boost the bone marrow production of my white blood cells. I hate shots, but he is a good doctor =) The shot is supposed to make my bones sore, so we will see what happens. I am glad I went out and played today, just in case.

One day down, so far so good. I'll keep you posted. Thank you for all your prayers - I am confident that God is answering them!

The Real Fight Begins...

We got the diagnosis today - I have Hodgkin's lymphoma, Stage II B, E, X ( B= certain symptoms, E = extra-nodal, X= bulky disease, a.ka. monster is huge!). I am undergoing the standard chemotherapy treatment for Hodgkin's which is a combination of four drugs referred to as A,B,V,D. I had my first dose of chemotherapy today - making it quite an overwhelming day - it was kinda like drinking from a firehose - find out you have cancer, learn all about your disease and chemo and its side effects, and then, start chemo!!! But they were anxious to get going b/c of the size of monster. I'm glad we started today b/c otherwise I would have had all weekend to worry about it and now by the end of the weekend i'll be through the first few days. They gave me four different anti-nausea medicines, and i'm feeling alright so far, just fatigued and tired, and slightly drugged, lol. I will go through 4 months of having chemo treatments every 2 weeks, then be re-evaluated. I may need more chemo after that, if not, then we will proceed with radiation treatment. I will most likely be given radiation treatment no matter what when my chemo is complete, b/c of the size of the mass, to ensure the cancer does not come back. My oncologist said that she would estimate a 70-80% chance I can be completely cured ( as in it never comes back). It is encouraging to finally get a diagnosis, move forward with treatment, and have a high likelihood of a very good outcome.

The incredible thing to me is, if I did nothing, I would most likely die of this disease in less than a year. But right now(well, let's say 7 hours ago before the chemo) I'm walking around feeling pretty much like a normal person. Not like someone with a fatal disease. It's crazy.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. I can feel God's hand on me through all of this. He is truly faithful in all things!

There's Always Tomorrow....

So, no diagnosis today either. Surprise!! I think my oncologist is getting discouraged too - this time she didn't even promise one tomorrow (maybe she's just getting smart, lol). After we heard that today was a lost cause, we called in all the big guns - both Ryan and I called our COs and got answers like "this is bull@#%*" and "this is just ridiculous" and they are going to call some people to call some people, or whatever they do to make things happen. So, maybe I will have results soon.

Meanwhile, I am feeling pretty good - Ryan and I walked for about an hour this morning. I had my own personal fly-by from a big orange helicopter - Ryan's work's way of saying they are thinking about us. Ryan's Engineering Officer said he will personally handle any noise complaints from our neighbors!!!

Please pray for a good answer soon. They want to start treatment (if necessary) right away, as in probably the same day we find out, so I feel like that could be a little overwhelming. But it is probably best, considering how long we have waited. I know God will take care of me - please pray for continued peace for me and Ryan.

The Jury Is Still Out

Dr. Wild (the Oncologist) called this morning - the test results from the biopsy (or bobobsy as Aunt Voula says) were not in yet. The military's cancer institute is in Washington D.C. Apparently they're not the fastest, but they are extremely accurate. If not for the 3 day weekend, we would have the test results by now. Oh well.

Dr. Wild was 99% sure that they'll be in tomorrow (which is good, since last time she was 98% sure they'd be in today ... so we have a 1% better chance of them being in tomorrow!). Both our workplaces are being very understanding. Tell you what ... if there's a place to get sick, it's while active-duty military. Well, active-duty while in the U.S. Not so sure about Iraq, Afghanistan, or Burma. But they've been taking great care of us so far.

Question of the day - who is Aunt Voula, and what movie is she from?

Hint #1 - She had a neck lump that was similar to what they thought Christie had at first...
Hint #2 - ... eivom gniddew keerG

Waiting, Waiting...

Still waiting ... we're waiting for a call from the Oncologist today. When she calls, she'll let us know if we have a diagnosis yet - and whether we'll be trekking to Travis AFB Hospital again.

Depending on that phone call, we might have a lot to add to the blog today ... we'll post whatever we find out.

On a side note, yesterday was Dad G's birthday. We went to the Winchester Mystery House and had banana cake, ice-cream, and watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Christie's pick - she gets whatever she wants these days ... just like before!).

Lamentations 3:24 - "I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait on Him.' "

A Prayer

I did have a great birthday - no doctors and I felt great all day!!!

Last night, when I was reading my devotions, the Lord gave me this verse. This is my prayer:

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us , O Lord.
You have filled my heart with greater joy than
when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O Lord,
make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 4:6-8

Rest

No tests, no biopsies, no doctors at all. My Commanding Officer brought by some of Christie's favorite foods - shrimp and chocolate truffles after church.

Christie got a day off for her birthday today. Mom and I cooked hamburgers and we got her a cookie-cake with 24 candles. She felt great all day - so great that you'd have no clue she has a softball in her chest! Tomorrow is Dad's birthday, and we'll be going off to the Winchester House. I think she wants to go for a run or something tomorrow, too... crazy girl.

Oncologist Isn't Such a Bad Word After All

I told her that airshows are not that big of a deal, and that I could take her up in a Coast Guard helicopter soon. But Christie loves airshows and will quite literally do anything to see them - even if it means getting a monster. She was not convinced or impressed with the helicopter idea, and said it would be a poor substitute for the Thunderbirds. So we once again found ourselves at Travis Air Force Base - this time for a meet & greet with her oncologist after the airshow.

Oncology. Such a wild, menacing sounding word. Her oncologist's name is even Dr. Wild. Thankfully, we were very impressed by the Oncology department. Her doctor is available for walk-ins anytime she's at the hospital (weekdays during normal work-hours) which is much better than you might get at a civilian university hospital. And she's very willing to get second opinions and even transfer to different treatment facilities if that will help. It's good when you find that you are a name/face to the doctor, and not just a number.

We talked about Christie's constant nausea and chest pains (which Dr. Wild said are really not that bad, given the size of the tumor!) and treatment options, though in reality, we do not know what they will be. We have no diagnosis, and we will not have one until next week. However, we are expecting Hodgkins Lymphoma (HL). It is the most likely fit for her age and gender, her symptoms, and the preliminary pathology of the biopsy. It would also be the best of bad news.

Statistically speaking, it is the most treatable of possible cancers she might have, with well established and effective treatments. But only 8,000 people in America get HL each year. That's .002% of the U. S. population. And Christie has it? How bizarre.

But bizarre and terrifying is where the rubber of faith meets the road of reality. We heard said in our Bible study last week that spiritual maturity is measured by how long it takes us to surrender to God. Please pray that we grow in our quickness, depth, and sincerity of surrender to Jesus.

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some other statistics I looked up:
If you have your own access to the internet, you are among ~1.5% of the world's wealthiest people. You are part of about 2.3% of the world's population owning about 34% of the world's wealth. Bizarre.

PET Scans and Radioactive Sugars!

Yesterday was a bit painful. Today was much better and with fewer needles!

It was another day of being poked and injected for Christie. They didn't actually take any blood, which is good, since they've taken so much she said she's going to charge them next time.

We got up around 05:45 to make sure we could get to an IHOP for breakfast. Christie's PET scan was scheduled today, and since it relies on a radioactive sugar dye for imaging, she could not eat anything after 07:00. We made sure to stuff her as much as we could with pancakes and eggs but promptly stopped at 06:59.

We returned to the hotel around 08:30 and Christie slept while Dad and I washed her car and ran errands. We returned in time to take her to the North Coast Cancer Center for her 1 PM PET scan.

After injecting her with radioactive sugar (I always did think she had a warm glow about her ... now she literally does!) she had to sit for an hour to let it circulate throughout her body. After the wait, she lay in the PET scanner for 20 minutes, lying completely still. Any movement gives blurry imaging.

Around 3 PM she was done and ready to eat and take it easy. After another long nap and a game of mini-golf at sunset, we just relaxed with her folks at the hotel.

Tomorrow we meet the Oncologist.

Still Waiting...

Today I had a bone marrow biopsy (during which I screamed like a baby - when they tell you you will feel only a little bit of pressure - they are lying!!!!), and a follow-up appointment with my surgeon. We are still waiting for the final diagnosis to come back from the pathology clinic in Texas. They expected to have it the end of this week, but now they are thinking it might take a little longer. When they first saw my CT scan, they thought it was probably Hodgkin's lymphoma, then after my surgery they told me it didn't look like a lymphoma but possibly a teratoma (a group of disorganized stem cells you are born with and eventually start growing) or one of about 20 different rare cancers, but now they are back to thinking it is most likely a lymphoma, probably Hodgkin's disease. I am really trying just to be still and wait for the final diagnosis since what they "think" seems to change everyday. Hodgkin's lymphoma is one of the more favorable results, as chemo treatment for it is highly successful and it would probably not require a major surgery. My parents flew in from Texas last night, and it is really good to have them here with us now. I have a PETSCAN tomorrow, to see if monster has spread, and we meet the oncologist on Saturday. Conveniently, the Thunderbirds are flying in an airshow at Travis on Saturday, I have never seen them, so we are hoping to catch that.

Please pray for a quick and good diagnosis - while my dad is still able to be here - he has to leave on Tuesday morning. Ryan and I are doing well - please pray for continued peace. Thank you for all your prayers - we can tell we are being lifted up.

The Friday that Changed my Life

So, I've had a cough for four months. I'm not sure what made me pick up the phone one day and schedule another doctor's appointment, but I found myself at the Coast Guard Island clinic on Friday, August 14. The doctor asked minimal questions about the cough, but as he examined me seemed to become concerned about some other strange symptoms, such as my unusually high pulse and unexplained weight loss over the past couple of months. He ordered an EKG and a blood test(for thyroid hormones and anemia) and told me to follow-up with him in a week.

On Wednesday, August 20, I felt dizzy and nauseous and decided to try to follow-up two days early. The doctor said that my thyroid levels were normal and I was slightly anemic, but not enough to cause symptoms. He ordered a chest x-ray.

On Thursday morning, I found out that my chest x-ray was highly abnormal. I had a CT scan Thursday afternoon, which revealed a large mass in my chest, that was pushing on my heart and lungs, causing the cough, increased pulse, and chest pain I had been experiencing. I like to call the thing "monster", and henceforth I will refer to it as such. On Friday, August 22, I was admitted to David Grant Medical Center at Travis Air Force Base. Before even looking at my CT scan, they decided I probably had TB b/c of my symptoms and the countries I had been to and I had to wear a duck mask everywhere and it was all very ridiculous b/c as soon as a doctor actually looked at the films they decided I didn't have TB but I could have told them that all along. They did surgery on Saturday morning to remove a piece of monster for biopsy. They cut a 2 inch incision in my chest and took pea-size pieces of monster. They had to cut a rib in the process. I am now at home recovering from the surgery and awaiting diagnosis. I am hoping to find out more on Thursday or Friday of this week. I will keep you posted.

The purpose of this blog

We have created this blog page to keep our family and friends updated on our situation. We love all of you, but we realize we do not always have time right now to call you back as soon as you would like. So, by updating this page, we will try to give you the latest information about what is going on. We have invited only our close family and friends to this page, and it cannot be found by searching google or any other method. If you have reached this page by some random twist of fate, we would appreciate it if you do not post the link anywhere, as this is the story of our personal lives. To our family and friends, we love you and appreciate all the support and prayers!!!! Thank you for being there for us as God helps us "fight the monster"!!!!

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:37

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10